Why? Please know I love you.

Never have I felt a loss as this. Mike was too talented a person as well as a musician to be taken away from us so soon and so violently. He knew how to love and unselfishly give. I will always remember him like this and not the broken body I saw. More than one life was destroyed and taken the night of June 6. So much pain and so many tears.

Today I bought a gold-plated medal featuring St. Michael the Archangel. I have been told that medals and belief in angels are nothing but psychological methods to help us cope. Doesn't matter if that's true. It's what I need right now.

So many internet posts about Mike, his music, and the love he gave to everyone. I am seeking out answers that I know I won't uncover in this lifetime. All I hear and read state that Mike's death was God's will and we cannot understand or question God. The only thing that has made sense to me and given me some hope is that someday we will be able to sense Mike along with the music he left behind. We are in darkness and cannot sense the worlds Mike now belongs to. If I don't sense it in our reality, I must strive to reach the place where I can sense him after I die. My friend Eleanor says Mike can still sense us and is looking out for us. I have to believe that is true.

I'm not a poet, but I have begun composing poems about Michael. Knowing my lack of lyrical competence, I have checked out a book from the Harold Washington Library that was written by award-winning and nationally recognized poets. Mike was such a talented songwriter, and I know he will kindly smirk at my immature attempts. But my intention is there; I hope it reaches him.

I will never get over losing Mike. His parents, friends, girlfriend, and family echo me. Mike showed me what true friendship is and to recognize the true friends in my life. Nothing about him was manufactured or patronizing. Mike was pure genuine love.

Another Song for My Husband and a Song for the World

I listen to this Madonna song on my MP3 player all the time. First it reminded me of when my husband and I first dated. My family and friends didn't believe we were meant to be together. We seemed so different. Clearly, those family and friends didn't know either one of us. Bill and I complete each other; other people forbade it through their actions and words because they didn't understand and didn't try to understand.

And when I view this clip from her Confessions tour, it supports what I said about "other people forbid[ding] it because they [don't]understand." The causes of the Middle East's conflicts are rooted in the time of Abraham. The two dancers sporting the religious symbols of Judaism and Islam provide a beautiful as well as a telling image. We hate what we is different and what we don't understand. Yet we are all one, and when we hate a person or an idea that doesn't correlate with or complement our own views, we hate and ultimately destroy ourselves.